If you have a total or radical hysterectomy that removes your ovaries, you'll experience the menopause immediately after your operation, regardless of your age. This is my story over the last 2 years.
Having contracted sepsis then necrotising fasciitis 10 days after my surgery, my menopause journey became very complicated. I was told that due to my liver being so poorly after the infection and subsequent IV antibiotics I was not able to have HRT. I later discovered from my own research and reaching out to private medical practitioners that this is not true. Even if you are suffering from liver damage, HRT is not a drug. The clue is in the title, “hormone replacement therapy”.
Every day I felt low, my moods were terrible, and I began to get severe brain fog. It was like the worst PMT. I felt like I was drowning. Negative thoughts would ruin my day. I needed to quit my job; I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’d constantly feel like a failure. I wasn’t good enough. I hadn’t become a mother. My career had suffered due to my severe endometriosis (another story). My sex drive vanished. I couldn’t sleep but was exhausted. My anxiety hit the roof. I hated food. I didn’t have the energy to practice yoga. I couldn’t meditate. It was a constant vicious circle.
I didn’t know all of this was the menopause if I’m honest. I thought I was depressed because of the infection. I was so emotional due to the life changing surgery. I was in so much physical pain every day that life was just exhausting. I felt sad because I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to. Every hour of the day I would feel highly suicidal. I wanted to talk to someone but didn’t even know what say. Would they be interested? On the few occasions when I did reach out, the response I would get would be “you’ve been through a lot, just relax”. That really didn’t help. All my training as a yoga teacher and meditation coach fell by the wayside. It was so difficult to even contemplate "breathing with intention" or "relaxing".
I had no interest or energy to get washed. Get dressed. Make any kind of effort at all. I hated every piece of clothing I owned. My hair became thin and lifeless. My skin was like old wrinkled dry leather. Itchiness all over my body was like ants crawling under the skin. The brain fog would make me forget everything. Some days I wouldn’t even know what a cup was if you held it in front of me and asked me what it was. I just wanted to cry every day.
After constantly nagging my GP I was put on HRT patches. The night sweats and tremors left immediately. However, they were the worst solution EVER. Patches are to put on every 3 days. So, on day 1 I was on a mission, finally I had my mojo back. But by day 3, I’d crash and burn to the lowest feeling ever. The cycle would continue. It took me weeks to realise that it was the patch that was doing this. I started to put a patch on every day. That was better but still not right.
I was still suffering from mood swings, brain fog, aches and pains, heart palpitations, sore breasts, weight gain, insomnia, hot flushes, loss of libido, as well as increased levels of the worst anxiety and depression I have ever known.
I was then moved to a tablet with strict instructions to watch my health. Don’t smoke (I don’t). Don’t drink alcohol (I don’t). But then comes the customary – you must exercise, sleep well, eat well, which infuriates me when GPs say this. The hardest thing ever is to exercise when you’ve had insomnia for 10 days. Eat well when all you want to do is sleep. Sleep well when your brain is going a million miles per hour and your thinking of nothing but worrying about everything. Make a healthy meal when all you want to do is scream and go and lie down and cry.
After an incident between my partner and me that resulted in the most epic of arguments I’d had enough. I couldn’t find the energy to make the relationship work anymore. I was tired. I didn’t care enough about myself to even bother about anyone else. The solution was to make an appointment to see a private Dr. It cost £275 for a 60-minute consultation.
In that time, she listened. This was the most time anyone has ever given me to discuss my gynecological health EVER! She immediately knew what to do. What to prescribe. Oestrogen, to help with hot flushes, sweats, fatigue, depression, libido, skin, and hair. Progesterone, for headaches, palpitations, joint pains, anxiety, and insomnia.
I was desperate. I was on day 14 of no sleep at all. My brain just wasn’t functioning anymore and every time I tried to talk I just cried.
I’m around 8 weeks in and have had blood tests that show my testosterone levels are low and waiting to find out the best option to increase the levels. I am feeling a little like my old self – sadly, I don’t look like I did but I’ve come to the realisation now that this is my body shape. I’ve created my own skin care blend having spent £100s on well known brands, none of which worked. Using raw ingredients and essential oils the outcome has been profound. I’ve made the decision to invest in a good quality hairdresser and make sure my locks are looked after.
I’m the kind of person who investigates everything when it comes to my own health and wellbeing. Having lived with the pain of endometriosis for over 20 years without being diagnosed resulted in investigations of how to live a life of wellness without pain and as a result that led me to be a holistic therapist, counsellor, and yoga teacher. So, if I didn’t have that mindset I’m not sure where I’d be right now.
Surely as a woman whose going through hysterectomy surgery to remove the ovaries we shouldn’t be left. There was no aftercare for me; I was just left to get on with it. It really upsets me that other women who may not be as resourceful as me or have the funds to go private are being left to battle this on their own.
To go through life thinking there’s something wrong with you, without knowing a treatment is available, is terrifying. I really understand how this can ruin a marriage, break down a career or result in suicide. A recent study reported that 60% of divorce are initiated by menopausal women and suicide in women aged between 45 and 54 has risen by 6% in the last 20 years.
There needs to be more support. To understand what to ask. What to do and where to go for that support. Support needs to be for both women and men. We know this happens to all women – some more severe than others. But, unless we start to understand more, talk about it more and support one another, the same fate will happen to future generations.
If you’re struggling with menopause, please don’t feel alone please contact me at info@whitebranches.co.uk
with love
Suzanne x